Xark!

Which one is smarterer?

A message to Tar Heels & Hoosiers

Now, if they'd only do this to calculus...

Via The Rev. Big Dumb Chimp...

If Ann Coulter had live-blogged the Gettysburg Address

The establishment-conservative reaction to Obama's race speech -- though not unanimous in its clueless derision -- has been fairly relentless in its idiocy. The best response I've seen so far? A marvelous bit of satire that asks the question: "What would have Ann Coulter written had she been live-blogging the Gettysburg Address?"

Okay, here we go.  More "eloquence," no doubt. 

Four score and seven years ago

"Fourscore and seven"?  Puh-leeze!   Couldn't you make it just a little more pompous?  Only a moonbat could regard this guy as an orator.

our fathers brought forth on this continent,

Ummm ... didn't we have mothers, too? Well, maybe Lincoln didn't; he looks like he came out of a test tube marked "Failure." But somehow I doubt that the suffragette harpies who swoon over Father Abraham are going to be pleased by the omission.

Anyway, shouldn't someone as smart as Lincoln is supposed to be know that it's mothers who "bring forth"? That thing that fathers do is called "begetting." (I'd always wondered whether Mrs. Lincoln's brats were any kin to Old Ape.)

a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Ahhh...now he slips it to us! "Fourscore and seven," indeed! He's bringing us back to the Marxist rant of 1776, completely ignoring the Constitution of 1787 in rhetoric as he has in practice. I'll believe we're all equal when I'm as tall as Lincoln, or as ugly. And the slaves he's so fond of may be his equals, but I'm damned if they're mine...

And so on. Read the whole thing.

We're hip rebels!

From The Onion:

NEW YORK—According to new market research, a multimillion dollar broadcast, radio, print, billboard, and online viral campaign launched Monday by the Axiom Marketing Agency tested "off the charts" among its target market of hip, urban 18- to 34-year-olds who base their actions and opinions entirely on the suggestions of ad campaigns. "This is exactly the type of customer we're looking to reach," said the campaign's chief strategist Ben Jacobs, 28. "It's showing tremendous impact on the cool, media-savvy rebels who distrust authority, prize alternative culture, think outside of the mainstream, and are willing to base their actions entirely on advertising images presented to them on TV. How dope is that?" The campaign, which advertises a new, youth-oriented version of Raisinets called Raisin d'Etre, is expected to make an impressive showing at the upcoming Counterculture Ad Fair sponsored by Procter and Gamble and held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

I'm obviously too old to be in that 18-to-34-year-old demographic, but I make up for that by being really immature. Where can I go to buy some Raisin d'Etre? (Of course, back in our day, "Raisin d'Etre" was supposedly "The Breakfast Cereal For Those Days When You Just Don't Feel Like Getting Out Of Bed." But we didn't have Teh Interwebs, so nobody knew.)

Diebold accidentally releases election results

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

Via Dave Weinberger.

The Sky is Falling! (And it is very white)

Anyone who watched the final Packers game this year on Fox knows it's a wee bit chilly here in Green Bay.  The day of that game it was -4 here, while about 14 degrees in Moscow and over 20 degrees in Greenland and Alaska, thanks to a snarky info box put up during the game.  So I get it that people are complaining of the cold.  It really has been bitterly, bitterly cold this year, with lows regularly in negatives and many days where the high never got into double digits.  And all of that is before wind chill.

But what people are really freaking out about here is the snow.  "Oh no, it's snowing!" My co-workers exclaim every time a flake falls past the window.  One company that I called informed me that the person I was trying to reach wasn't expected in the office "due to the weather."  It had snowed 4 inches.  4 inches?!?  Sure, you need to be a little careful driving, but its hardly impassable.  My snowblower took care of the driveway in its usual 10-15 minutes or so.

I saw the same sort of reactions in England.  Three inches of snow was practically a natural disaster to the English.  Cars were stranded on the motorway (I don't know how a car can get physically stranded in three inches, but apparently they did).  No one even wanted to go outdoors.  My friends thought I was a madman when I suggested actually playing in the stuff.  One professor didn't show up for work and clearly expected all the students to understand his dilemma.  But England doesn't get much snow.  They aren't used to it and, thus, don't really know how to deal with it.

Folks, this is Wisconsin.  Snow happens.  It's not a surprise.  It's not rare.  It's a natural effect caused by being really far north.  It's not hard to figure out.  This whole snow thing happens every year.  I am stunned by the people whose world comes to a screeching halt here every time it snows.  What part of "Wisconsin" did you not understand when you moved here?

FBI searches home of Sen. Stevens

From the Associated Press:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Federal agents with cameras searched the home of U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens amid questions about an oil company official's involvement in a 2000 renovation project that doubled the home's size, law enforcement officials said.

Uh-oh. Looks like his career is about to go down a series of tubes.

Family Circle Cup: I'm out, too

I'm really sorry about this, but I must today announce my withdrawal from the Family Circle Cup tennis tournament for medical reasons. Namely, I have discovered that I'm a guy, and therefore not qualified to participate.

Listen, if anybody out there really wants to win a professional women's tennis tournament, this might be the one to enter. 

Ask your doctor about...

Havidol. Say it out loud, then ask your doctor if Havidol is right for you.