What is "Best for My Child?"

Like many of you, I visited members of my extended family over the holidays.  As these things often go, while I had a more than pleasant time, I helped maintain the pleasure for everyone by holding my tongue several times when topics arose which normally call forth my argumentative instincts.  While it is axiomatic to say that one should not discuss “religion” or “politics” in polite company, I would argue that the touchy topic par excellance, is children, or child rearing issues.  My topic here, while certainly about politics, is also very decidedly about children, specifically about the education of children.  Be forewarned:  while I don’t have solutions or answers to the questions I raise here, I certainly think these are questions which parents often either ignore or ask in the wrong way.

 

Here’s the situation:  Like all parents, members of my family are facing the public school/private school question.  The question often goes (and went this weekend) something like this: “We have a bright and gifted child; we have the resources to send them to a very good private school; private schools will answer to our concerns because we’re paying clients while public schools are not accountable to parents; hence, shouldn’t we then send them to a private school rather than a public school?”  I want to deal with this question on two levels: first, I want to query the meaning of the phrase “best for my child,” and, second, I want to think about the metaphoric relationship we should have between child/parent and educational institution.

The question of what is “best for your child” is, while certainly an important one to ask, is also one that is often either asked in too simplistic of a manner or in too individualistic of a manner.  First, this question generally means not “what is best for my child,” but rather, it means, “Of the available options that I can afford, what is best for the child.”  That is, there are always better ways to educate an individual child. Some of them would require one-on-one interaction, some would require radically rethinking current curricula, etc.  The point is, the question begins with a contingency built into it.

Secondly, as my Bonnie is always reminding me (and everyone else), “It’s not about you.  It’s about all of us.”  That is, as a feminist scholar and activist, she tires of people who don’t get politically involved because, for example, they are past their child bearing years and no longer have to think about encountering a situation where legislation about child bearing and rearing are important.  When she says, “It’s not about you,” she means that we all need to be concerned about legislation regardless of who it impacts.  It impacts someone, and it often impacts them in a big way.  As a result, we should think about questions like “What is best for my child” in the larger sense of “What is best for all of us?”  While I realize that some people are zoned for school districts that are truly miserable (corrupt, broken institutions), often, people take their children out of schools where their children could succeed.  However, the same parents with the financial means to remove their children from public schools (this is by no means a universal) are also often the parents of children who are gifted and motivated.  Hence, when they remove these children from the school, they make that school all the worst simply by removing those very children.  As an educator, I have found that one of the strongest factors of a successful educational experience is being surrounded by other highly motivated and bright students.  Regardless of the quality of “teaching,” those universities with the strongest students (both public and private) provide the best education.  Students need to push one another, need to learn from one another, and they do that best with a peer group that forces them to work hard.  Hence, when we remove those very kids from a particular educational environment, we provide the justification for other people to do the same.  Your actions are never just about you.

Thirdly, when one asks “What is best for my child?,” I suppose they are talking about book smarts or credentialing.  However, in my mind, the question of “What is best” should also contain other elements.  Is it important for my child to learn about people from a variety of different class backgrounds (I emphasize class because I tend to think it’s becoming more and more the most important factor).  That is, while smart rich liberals (and conservatives) can certainly try to install an ethic of understanding, knowledge, and sympathy toward a variety of ways of life, nothing beats living with others, working with a wide variety of people.  So, again, what is the “best” implied in “best for the child.”

The second portion of the argument which piqued my interest is the metaphor of the private school parent as a client or customer.  This one concerns me greatly and only on one ground (nonetheless, it is a ground that has ongoing implications at the university level as well as the grade school level).  While I acknowledge that parents should most definitely question curriculum and question choices that are made by educators (hell, they should also question a teacher that they think is incompetent), when the parent/student places themselves in the role of the customer, as in “the customer is always right,” and thinks that this means that the education should reflect their desires alone, we’re heading down the wrong path.  While consumers should certainly have the right to determine what types of soda they drink, what types of goods they buy, we have to allow education to at least partially serve a higher calling.  On some basic level, we have to assume that general education requirements serve a purpose, that the curriculum is set to achieve a higher goal.  While parents are consumers when it comes to certain items (e.g., what food their children are served, the safety of gym equipment), and while parents certainly have the right to question particulars of the education their children receive, I also think we should respect the idea that people trained in a particular area have given great thought into what goes into instruction as well as how students will be assessed (don’t get me started on the ways in which the consumer model is a disaster when it comes to student testing).  The reality is that, yes, the parent/student of the private school is a consumer.  Ultimately, they can take their tuition dollars elsewhere.  My hope is that they do not take the role of consumer so literally that they demand a particular type of education experience with no regard as to what educators themselves think works best.

Ultimately, what I’m asking for here is that while we quite rightly question our current public school system and while we quite rightly should demand a system that makes everyone better, that works for the republic as a whole, we also remain committed to doing this together.  And to seeing education as something other than just another product.

Comments

[DeweyS]

This is a topic that I regularly visit. You see, my wife and I chose to home-school our children because it was the best education we could afford.

Amongst the wealth of pro/con opinions I've encountered over the years, I read one article advocating outlawing homeschooling because parents who would home-school are obviously ready to put a great deal of energy into education it would be better to harness those parents to the benefit of all the children in their childs school.

While the article had a good point, I disagreed with the conclusion. "It's not about you -- it's about all of us" is true, but we need to structure things so that it doesn't cost the individual too much to contribute to the common good. To do otherwise just ends up not working out far too often. There are more failed communes than successful ones.

(Incidentally, we've tried working with the local school system to take advantage of their resources and thus bring our kids into contact with the schooled kids as well. We've found that, around where we live at least, they are not open to it.)

I agree that society has an interest in every child's education -- in a political system that is based on "the people", it must.

As far as "people trained in a particular area have given great thought into what goes into instruction as well as how students will be assessed", that is only somewhat true. (Try asking my sister about the NC state-wide geometry exam. Don't forget to duck.) Dawn is, I admit, a double-whammy -- both a teacher and a mathematician.

As you point out, the question begins with a contingency built into it. Educational experts don't usually even try to select what would work best, but what would work best for the least amount of money.

Even in those cases where curriculum and assessment are being selected by people well qualified and position to make the selection, they're selecting for a mass production environment. My wife and I have chosen a student/teacher ratio of 2:1. This is an extreme commitment of resources to a childs education that most people couldn't make and to which almost no school could aspire and thus teaching and assessment methods are available to us that is simply not feasible in a 30:1 environment and would be a stretch even in a 10:1 environment which some private schools *can* reach.

What "educators themselves think works best" varies a great deal. Like many fields, conservatism is often rewarded more than success and people are often selected based on politics more than effectiveness. The fact that "education" is so difficult to measure.

Let's step even further back from questioning "our current public school system" and start by questioning our education system in general. In the many times I've done this, I've formed the opinion that our current school system is so far from the optimum that we need to effectively start over. I think private schooling can assist in this because it allows people to gather around a methodology that they really believe in and try it out, and that we can learn from the experiment and possibly apply the lessons to other private schooling and public schooling as well. I'm a big fan of school choice and vouchers under the theory that if we make the whole situation more fluid we'll be better able to find something better. I'm not a big fan of demanding a system that makes everyone better as I am demanding an environment in which such a system can form and flourish.

[Ben]

John, I tried to get my wife to comment but failed. She's a high school English teacher in Atlanta Public Schools. She's at one of the better city schools, but her students are pretty bad more often than not.

She was telling me that they have a super-student who scored a perfect score on her SATs and plays an instrument, etc. Her college essay was apparently on why she thinks she got a better education at a public school than at a private one because she was exposed to kids from a diversity of backgrounds. This makes me like her.

Granted, my wife's schools has an International Baccalaurette program (you apparently need an advanced degree to spell that). It's like AP on speed. So it's a good public school option.

We don't have kids, but if/when we do, I already see how complicated this decision gets. Sure, the smart kids may help the slower kids, but they get slowed down themselves in the process.

[jmsloop]

First, Dewey, thanks for the very thoughtful response. This topic is SO complicated that I always worry when I bring it up. I appreciate your thoughtful re-take on the subject. I'll mull over this.

Second, Ben: Yes, my son is in an IB program at the public school he attends. As a result, I often feel somewhat compromised even in making the types of comments I make. I mean, if your kid is attending IB programs and magnet schools, do you have the moral high ground to talk about public schools in general. I'm not sure. We all have the right to talk about anything of course, but my son's enrollment in that program in a relatively wealthy area of town makes me always hesitant to say too much.

[Tim]

As someone who moves often with elementary age children, "school shopping" plays a deciding role in where we choose to live. We have often chosen districts where the elementary school was considered very good, but the middle and/or high school in the same district were considered poor.

We've done DoD, public and private depending on our location. We have not done home-schooling, although many of our friends have (successfully, it seems, so call us lazy).

I always question the "consumer" question when it arises. Probably because I'm at the post-secondary level. Who is the "consumer"? The student? The parent? The employer post-graduation at the university level?

As an educator, I always go with the student first. But all my students are different, requiring me to use different techniques and set different goals based on the make up of the class. Harder on me, but I enjoy the challenge.

We do make our decision on school based on what we think is best for our children, not based on how we think our children might improve the school.