If you haven't seen this one before, where have you been? And even if you have seen it, you might not have noticed how it's taken over the world, selling more T-shirts than Old Navy and prompting half the people in America under the age of 30 to say at least once, "honey badger don't care." Based solely on his access to the brains of our young, this guy Randall, who does new voiceovers for old nature videos, is one of the most influential men in the United States.
But what else does he say? Since I couldn't find a script online, I decided to transcribe it. So I do all the work, like the honey badger, and you come around and pick up the scraps."Thanks for the script, stupid!"
This is the honey badger. Watch it run in slow motion.
It's pretty badass. Look. It runs all over the place. "Whoa! Watch out!" says that bird.
Eew, it's got a snake! Oh! It's chasing a jackal! Oh my gosh!
Oh, the honey badger is just crazy!
The honey badger has been referred to by the Guiness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in the animal kingdom. It really doesn't give a shit. If it's hungry, it's hungry.
Eew! What's that in its mouth? Oh, it's got a cobra? Oh, it runs backwards? Now watch this: look a snake's up in the tree. Honey badger don't care. It just takes what it wants. Whenever it's hungry it just -- Eew, and it eats, snakes... Watch it dig! Look at that digging.
The honey badger is really pretty badass. It has no regard for any other animal whatsoever. Look at him, he's just grunting, and eating snakes. Eew! What's that? A mouse? Oh that's nasty. They're so nasty. Oh look it's chasing things and eating them.
The honey badgers have a fairly long body, but a distinctly thickset broad shoulders, and, you know, their skin is loose, allowing them to move about freely, and they twist around.
Now look: Here's a house full of bees. Do you think the honey badger cares? It doesn't give a shit, it goes right into the house of bees to get some larvae. How disgusting is that? It eats larvae. Eew, that's so nasty.
But look! The honey badger doesn't care! It's getting stung like a thousand times. It doesn't give a shit. It's just hungry. It doesn't care about being stung by bees. Nothing can stop the honey badger when it's hungry. What a crazy fuck! Look, it's eating larvae, that's disgusting.
It's running in slow-motion again. See?
Now, what's interesting is that other animals like these birds here, they just wait around until the honey badger is done eating, and then it swoops in to pick up the scraps. It says, "You do all the work for us, honey badger, and we'll just eat whatever you find, how's that? What'daya say, stupid?"
Look at this bird: "Thanks for the treat, stupid!"
"Hey, come back here," says the honey badger.
Birds don't care, and you know what? The jackals do it too. Look at these little dogs. They're like "Thanks stupid! Thanks for the mouse! See you later." The honey badger does all the work and all these other animals just pick up the scraps.
At nightime the honey badger goes hunting, because it's hungry. Look! Here comes a fierce battle between a king cobra and a honey badger. I wonder what will happen?
Look at this, there's the honey badger just eating a mouse, and then look, "Get away from me!" says the snake, "Get away from me!" Honey badger don't care. Honey badger smacks the shit out of it. And the snake comes back and it lashes at the honey badger.
Oh, little does the honey badger know, FYI: it's been stung! It's been bitten by the snake, so while it's eating the snake -- eew, that's disgusting -- all the poisonous venom is seeping through the honey badger's body, and it passes out. Look at that sleepy fuck.
Now the honey badger is going to pass out for a few minutes, and then it's going to get right back up and start eating all over again, because it's a hungry little bastard.
Look at this! Like nothing happened! The honey badger gets right back up and continues eating the cobra.
How disgusting.
And of course, what does the honey badger have to eat for the next two weeks?
Cobra.
The honey badger.
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