The Laws of Combat: They're not just for G.I.s anymore

I heard a bunch of these back in the Army, and today there are multiple lists that purport to be The Laws of Combat. Most of these lists include plenty of rendundant, overly clever "laws" I never heard in uniform, and I'm generally not impressed by them. 

 

So this is my edit, the way I remember things. I like to think of it as the fatalistic-but-still-grinning core of the LoC, with winking grunt wisdom that extends beyond combat to life in general.

• If the enemy is in range, so are you.
• Incoming fire has the right-of-way.
• The easy way is always mined.
• Try to look unimportant. They may be low on ammo.
• Teamwork is essential. It gives them someone else to shoot at.
• If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed AT you.
• The enemy diversion you've been ignoring is their main attack.
• A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to take a break.
• If your attack is going well, it's an ambush.
• Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing.
• If you build a position that's tough for the enemy to get into, you won't be able to get out of it.
• Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
• When you've secured an area, be sure to tell the enemy.
• Never forget that the equipment on which your life depends was all manufactured by the lowest bidder.
• Friendly fire isn't.
• Never: Stand when you can sit; sit when you can lie down; stay awake when you can go to sleep.
• A grenade with a seven-second fuse will go off in four.
• If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid.

And lastly, as a special bonus:

The Five Stages of a Military Operation:

1. Enthusiasm; 
2. Disillusioment; 
3. The search for the guilty; 
4. The punishment of the innocent; 
5. Praise and honors for the non-participants.